Vintage WWF Review: October 1993

I'm back. Unfortunately, this mother fucker is too.

Howdy, all! It's great to back here with the Vintage WWF Reviews! I know I've been away for a long time, but now that I've got the personal life and job under control I should be able to update on a regular basis and keep you all up-to-date on the happenings of wrestling nearly twenty years ago.

October of '93 was a pretty ridiculous month in the World Wrestling Federation. Shawn Michaels had been stripped of his Intercontinental Title by a power-hungry douche, Nashville's greatest secret shows his face, and Survivor Series feuds begin to take shape. While September was a bit of a slow month, McMahon and cronies kicked it into high gear this month and put out an extremely exciting product for wrestling fans the world over. But I've been away for too long, so to hell with this introduction shit and let's get into the month's finer points.

It's great to see Owen Hart in the ring, and this month marks the beginning of Owen as a really notable character in the WWF. He's shown his admittedly ugly mug many times in the past, especially with Koko B. Ware in High Energy, but this month he seems to be getting some recognition as a semi-credible singles wrestler with an appearance in the IC Title battle royal and a win over Scott King, jobber extraordinaire. I assume this is the natural build-up for his character leading into his feud with brother Brett that will kick off next month. No matter the reason, it's always fun to see Owen in the ring; the man was a great wrestler and a fun character over the years.

Speaking of the battle royal for a chance at the Intercontinental Title, it was absolutely fantastic! The match featured twenty wrestlers with the stipulation that the last two men standing would face each other the following week for the title. The battle royal played out very well and the last five-to-ten minutes with The Quebecers, Martel, Razor, Adam Bomb and Savage were extremely entertaining. I have never been a huge fan of battle royals (though I do love the Royal Rumble) and I was extremely impressed and entertained by this match, which was a great way to open the month. In the end, Razor and Martel were the final participants, which pleased me greatly.

It's hilarious to hear Randy Savage just go off on Hogan randomly during the October 18th episode of RAW. While talking about Crush, Savage takes a radical left turn and unleashes some fury on Hogan for no apparent reason. It give me a nice chuckle.

Just one rant before we get to the month's awards: why in the hell is Tatanka still around (and still being billed as undefeated)? This guy has been sucking the life out of the product since I started this project and it's pissing me off. The man is not entertaining, his character sucks, and I doubt he is pulling in a large Indian (fuck that Native American bullshit) demographic. So why the hell is this no-talent dingleberry on my television every month and being fed win after win? Just fire this faggot and move forward with bigger and better stereotypes, like black rappers!

Awards:

Scott Hall prior to becoming Cuban

Superstar of the Month: Razor Ramon. It's hard not to consider Ramon the SotM; after all, the man did win both a battle royal (along with Rick Martel) and the Intercontinental Championship in consecutive weeks. Not only was Hall's performance in the battle royal superb, but the man put on the best match of the month with Martel for the mid-card belt. It's fun to see Hall doing so well, but it's also somewhat sad knowing what he has become in the wrestling world.

Match of the Month: Razor Ramon v. Rick Martel (IC Title). It's pretty obvious to anyone who knows anything about wrestling that Razor Ramon will win this match. Of course as a child, I was ecstatic when Razor pulled out the victory, but looking back I should have there was no way Martel was going to walk out of the Manhattan Center with the title. Having said that, Martel was at the top of his game here and had a great match. As I've noted in the past, I love Martel and think he's a great talent and was never given the push he deserved in the WWF. Martel shows in this match that he can hang with the best of the best in the Federation, even if the Boston Crab is the worst finisher since the single-leg Boston Crab. Both men put on a show here and, in the end, Razor escapes two Boston Crabs and hits the Razor's Edge for the win and the Intercontinental Championship. Here's the match for anyone who wants to watch:







Promo of the Month: Ludvig Borga and Lex Luger. Ludvig Borga is one of the most entertaining characters of the era in the World Wrestling Federation. The guy's deadpan delivery as he insults every culture known to man is surprisingly hilarious and he's fairly decent in the ring. This promo was awesome because you had Borga's American hatred clashing with Luger's American pride (note the pants) while Savage and McMahon orgasm with nationalism. It's hilariously bad/good, and I particularly love Borga's delivery on "people currently working" joke and his line about earning respect. Classic.



Debut of the Month: Rock 'n' Roll Express. Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson randomly showed up this month, apparently "hounding" Jim Cornette. If only they realized how much nobody cared. I've never been much of a Morton fan, so this debut wasn't particularly memorable for me and I really don't care to see anything Smokey Mountain related other than Jim Cornette (though I'll give props to the Heavenly Bodies).

Most Awesome Non-Wrestling Moment: Jeff Jarrett appears! This month marks the beginning of Jeff Jarrett's vignettes preceding an inevitable debut from the man some of the worst in-ring attire I've ever seen. He spells his name, he shows up at random Southern landmarks, and he's a stellar speller. He's J-E-Double-F J-A-Double-R-E-Double-T! I love Jeff Jarrett.



Most Ridiculous Bullshit This Month: Crush/Savage Summit. I don't know what the fuck McMahon was thinking with Brian Adams in general, but Crush is easily one of the worst wrestlers of all-time. I hate this mullet head with a passion, and his heel turn was mind-blowingly retarded. Add a past-his-prime Savage in a ridiculous outfit to the mix and you've got the least cared about angle I've ever seen. Fuck.



Most Vicious Move Landed: Steiner Screwdriver. This move is pretty devastating, and kudos to PJ Walker for taking the move this month, making him the obvious choice for Jobber of the Month. Here's a look at the move for those unfamiliar with it:



Quotes of the Month:

"It's popcorn, you idiot!" - Vince McMahon after Doink dumps popcorn on "The Brain."

"Probably the toughest human being, pound for pound, walking the streets today." - Bobby Heenan on Harvey Wippleman.

Reflections: October picked up the pace from a somewhat lackluster September and began planting the seeds that will be sown at Survivor Series. Aside from Crush and Tatanka, everyone entertained spectacularly and we even saw the crowning of a new IC Champion. Add to the fact that it looks like a Shawn Michaels return and a Jarrett debut are just around the river bend and we've what looks to be an exciting finish setting up for the year. I can't wait for November, and you shouldn't have to wait more than a few days for the review!

Vintage WWF Review: September 1993

Finland produces some scary characters

NOTE: Sorry this took me so long to get up. My sister got engaged last week so I ended up taking a trip to Chicago to visit her and celebrate. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the internet and didn't want to watch vintage wrestling as part of the celebration (shocking, I know), so I was out of  touch for a while. I'm working today, but I will have the rest of the year up in the next two days. Thanks for your patience and enjoy!

Coming off of the success of August's Summer Slam, the WWF had a bit of a drop off in the month of September. While the month as a whole was still entertaining, many of the feuds that had been running throughout the summer had come to a close at the August pay-per-view, so the company is in the process of building some new feuds to lead into November's Survivor Series. The seeds of such feuds were planted as early as the end of Summerslam, when Ludvig Borga, the Finnish Nightmare, confronted Lex Luger after his Summer Slam victory. As mentioned earlier, Borga hates America and takes a special exception to Luger's pro-America gimmick. This seems to be leading to a confrontation at Survivor Series, if my memory serves right.

One of my favorite things about this month was the match between the Steiner Brothers and the Quebecers for the WWF Tag Team Titles. This match was fought under "Quebec Province Rules," which made the match more entertaining than I was expecting. For those unfamiliar with how wrestling is supposedly fought in Quebec, here's a summary of the rules:

1) Piledrivers are illegal
2) Top rope maneuvers are illegal
3) Throwing an opponent over the top rope is illegal
4) Titles can change hands in the even of a countout
5) Titles can change hands in the event of disqualification

Quebec: Awesome wrestlers, terrible rules

These ridiculous rules led to a very entertaining match between the two teams that the Quebecers would eventually win due to disqualification. I'm glad they won, partially because they get  the titles of the godawful Steiners (love 'em in the ring, but they're annoying on the mic) and also because Johnny Polo is their manager. Everybody likes Johnny Polo!

September saw quite a few changes in the WWF landscape. New champions, wrestler debuts, and character shifts are just some of the surprises in store for viewers this month, and it made for a pretty entertaining month of wrestling, if not as entertaining as the few months prior. Anyway, let's get to some awards for more thoughts on this month in WWF history:

Awards:

Superstar(s) of the Month: The Quebecers. There is absolutely nothing I don't enjoy about Jacques and Pierre, the Quebecers. This is the first time I've seen the Quebecers on RAW (though they debuted in July), so I am also awarding them with Debut of the Month. Older fans will remember Jacques as one of the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers with his brother Ray, as well as his stint as the Mountie. He's basically still the Mountie in this gimmick, but he found a fatter French Canadian with whom to pal around. The best part about this gimmick is that the Quebecers sing their own theme song and it is hilarious. Seriously, if you don't love this you suck:



Match of the Month: Scott Steiner v. Pierre. After losing the titles in controversial fashion due to some funky French Canadian rules, Scott Stiener was huffin' and puffin' until he got the chance to put a hurting on Pierre of the Quebecers. This match gave us all of the spots their "Quebec Province Rules" match denied us earlier in the month, as Scott hit a piledriver, threw Pierre over the top, and hit a nice top rope maneuver. Add that to his impressive arsenal of power moves and throw in the presence of Jacques, Rick and Johnny Polo and you've got a great match filled with entertaining characters.

Promo of the Month: IRS. To be fair, there really weren't many memorable promos this month, so IRS wins by default. I think he was calling out Razor Ramon, but I honestly wasn't paying that close of attention. All I know is, Rotunda was hanging out in some sleazy office crunching the numbers and talking shit, and that's good enough for me.

Jobber of the Month: PJ Walker. PJ Walker wins this month's dubious distinction for pulling off an upset victory over IRS. What the fuck is happening to my WWF when IRS is losing to PJ Walker?

Bullshit Face Turn: Doink. Doink's evil clown gimmick has, sadly, come to end. It was fun while it lasted. He turned by predictably throwing water on Heenan, who sold the turn brilliantly, slipping on the water and pretending to have a cold the next week on RAW. This looks like the beginning of the end for the Doink character, and I for one will miss his zany antics and solid wrestling skills.

Jack Tunney Sucks Award: Jack suspends Shawn Michaels. As I've discussed before, Jack Tunney is the WWF president and occasionally makes idiotic rulings. This month, Tunney decided to suspend Shawn Michaels and strip him of his WWF Intercontinental Championship. This is an outrage for all of us fans. Tunney is obviously on some sort of strange power trip after threatening to suspend Jerry Lawler for apparently being a heel at Summer Slam, so now he's moving onto bigger fish. I don't know what Shawn did in real life to get suspended, but I'm going to assume it's some combination of drugs and behavioral issues. Hopefully he'll be back soon to claim his spot as the real Intercontinental champion.

Random Appearance Award: Rick Martel. While it was definitely nice to see Jimmy Snuka show up this month, "The Model" Rick Martel is even more awesome than the "Superfly." I haven't seen Martel in a while and I was always a fan as a kid. I really enjoyed he and Tito Santana as Strike Force and thought he was hilarious in his model persona. For those who never got to see Rick in this incarnation, here's a clip of what you missed:



Bump of the Month: 1-2-3 Kid. Waltman took another nasty bump this month in a match with immortal jobber Barry Horowitz against the Quebecers. Waltman attempted a running spinning heel kick, but one of the Quebecers pulled down the top rope and Waltman sailed over, essentially spinning his way to his death. What a great bump!

Quote of the Month: "If you want to do something to work up a sweat, honey, why don't you do the dishes or run the vac?" - Bobby Heenan on females

Reflections: This month was definitely a little slower than the months past, and suffered from a lack of big-name stars, but the company still did a good job of recharging from an action packed summer and planting the seeds for feuds to finish out the year. Hopefully October and November will pick things up for what I remember to be a really great Survivor Series, at least in my memory. 

Vintage WWF Review: Summer Slam 1993

Yokozuna fatting the hell out of America

WWF Summer Slam 1993 was a sad day for everyone who follows WWF: this marks the last wrestling appearance of "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase. DiBiase was injured early in 1994 and would no longer wrestle on a regular basis. I figurd I might as well get the bad news out of the way first...

Anyway, Summer Slam '93 was one hell of an event and finished off the summer in sizzling style for the World Wrestling Federation. Taking place August 30 at The Palace of Auburn Hills in Michigan, Summer Slam saw the culmination of a number of feuds as well as the beginning of one or two. The build-up was phenomenal; there were personal grudges, a promotional invasion, and a national conflict. Without any further hesitation, let's get right to the action!

This is where I was planning on putting a highlight video from the PPV. Unfortunately, the ones I found on Youtube had shitty alternative music in them and I figured no one wanted to hear that (and I apologize for the post-80s U2 bullshit in my KotR review - never again). I like my music the way I like my wrestling: VINTAGE!

The opening match of the night featured two of my favorite wrestlers - Razor Ramon v. Ted DiBiase. The two had been feuding ever since Razor was defeated by the 1-2-3 Kid, something I still don't understand. Anyway, after weeks of verbally sparring and interfering in matches, these two finally got the chance to solve their problems in the squared circle. I just want to note real quick that this is the second PPV in a row that Razor has opened, which I think is kind of strange considering he was so over and such a great worker. He would go on to achieve great success relatively soon in the WWF, so I'm surprised this match went on so early, especially with some clunkers coming later in the evening. All that bullshit aside, the match served its purpose, entertained millions, and ended with what is still the best crucifix powerbomb in the business. In honor of DiBiase's last appearance as a full-time wrestler with WWF, here is the match in its entirety:



The Steiner Brothers v. The Heavenly Bodies was next, and it was the big homecoming match for the All-American Steiner boys. This match was actually a great match and I was really surprised by the work of "Doctor" Tom Prichard and his partner, "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Ray. There was a lot of back-and-forth action between the two teams, and it looked like the Heavenly Bodies were about to win after some interference from James E. Cornette's flamboyant tennis racket. In the end, however, the Steiner Bros. went crazy on the Bodies and finished them up with another ugly Frankensteiner.

I really have to comment on the Steiners right here. Rick Steiner is basically worthless. While he isn't a bad performer, it seems like he's just there because of Scott. Scott is the standout talent of the team and that's obvious both in fan reaction and booking decisions. And though I love Steiner's arsenal of devastating power moves, the Frankensteiner is ugly as sin. I'm surprised Scott never broke his neck performing the move.

My match of the night was probably Shawn Michaels (c) v. Mr. Perfect for the WWF Intercontinental Championship. The two men have been feuding on-and-off since Wrestlemania IX, and this would also mark the last time Perfect would wrestle on a WWF PPV until something like 2002. After months of confrontations, including Perfect at one point costing Michaels his IC Title, the two finally get their hands on each other in some sort of payoff match. The match was a technically sound barn burner until Diesel decided to get involved. As Diesel began interfering, the match devolved into an all-out slugfest between the three men and eventually ended, disappointingly, in a countout win for Michaels. While I assume the feud is supposed to continue into the fall, Michaels gets suspended in late '93 and Perfect doesn't wrestle on PPV for another nine years, so who knows what's going to happen with this feud. That's too bad, really, because these two guys are great performers and with Diesel in the mix anything could have happened in this feud.

The next match, IRS v. 1-2-3 Kid, was a fucking joke. Sure, the match was decent, but its placement on the card is baffling (I assume they wanted to give the crowd time to recover) and I really don't understand the outcome. IRS goes over Kid with a Write Off (Heenan's brain scan after the match was priceless) and becomes quite possibly the first man to kick out of Waltman's moonsault on WWF television. I love Rotunda, but unless they're planning on continuing this Money, Inc. v. Razor/Kid angle, I don't get why he went over at this juncture. And Waltman's mullet is still fucking disgusting.

I was really looking forward to the next match, and after watching Bret Hart v. Jerry Lawler (scheduled) for the title of "King of the WWF", I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Lawler came to the ring on crutches and built heat by ripping on Hart's family and saying he had been in an automobile accident earlier that day and was instructed by doctors not to compete that night. Normally I hate the old bait-and-switch, and I really wasn't excited about this turn on events. I figured it was the best case scenario, however, when Lawler announced his replacement: his court jester, Doink. As I've mentioned before, I love me some 1993 Doink. Unfortunately, this is probably Doink's last match as a heel based on my fuzzy memory, though there may be one or two more. Bret Hart and his family (brothers Bruce and Owen are in attendance at ringside) are understandably perturbed, and Bret takes his frustration and anger out on Doink.

After quite a bit of good wrestling action, Bret looks to finish the match with his signature Sharpshooter submission hold. This is where shit starts to get a little weird for me. Lawler, who was faking his injury, attacked Bret from behind with his crutch. For some damn reason, there are like eight refs/officials out at ringside holding back Bruce and Owen Hart but letting Lawler beat on Bret with a foreign object for minutes in the ring. Then Jack Tunney comes out and announces that Lawler must face Hart or he is suspended for a month, so Lawler and Hart start brawling and kicking the crap out of each other with various weapons. Aapparently there's no DQ, even though both try hide it, because there are eight officials out here and one of them must be aware that they are hitting each other with water pails and crutches. Anyway, Hart wins by submission with the Sharpshooter and refuses to let go of the move. Instead of the ref and other nine officials that are down at ring forcefully removing Hart from Lawler, they stand there asking him to let go for like five full minutes. Eventually, Hart lets go, but the ref then reverses his decision and announces Lawler is the victor by disqualification for not letting go of the hold, even though the match was officially over when Lawler submitted.

If this sounds like the biggest clusterfuck this side of WCW 2000, you're absolutely correct. And I apologize if my analysis seems a little disjointed, but I watched the entire thing and I still don't understand why the hell they didn't just have a proper match with Lawler and Hart instead of this bullshit. What a disappointment, though still fairly entertaining.

Ludvig Borga v. Marty Jannetty is the first time I've seen Borga actually wrestle (he hasn't been on RAW yet) and I'm not terribly impressed. He basically squashes Marty here and wins with some sort of torture-rack derivative. This wasn't a bad match for what it was, but it also wasn't anything spectacular. Still, his promos were hilarious:



"You call this the 'land of milk and honey'? Well down here it stinks funny" - Classic Ludvig Borga

 Undertaker v. Giant Gonzalez was another match that was entertaining for what it was, and it also featured the return of Paul Bearer (alright!). The match was pretty much a no-DQ match that saw both men take advantage of the stipulation before Undertaker won with a nice flying clothesline off the top rope. This match may not have been a five-star classic, but both men worked well and Taker looked great going against the limited Gonzalez. This was much better than their match at Wrestlemania. The only negative thing about this match was Gonzalez hitting a chokeslam on everyone's favorite manager, Harvey Wippleman! Seriously, who would do that to such a class act? Disappointing...

The match I was least looking forward to, Bam Bam Bigelow/Headshrinkers v. Tatanka/Smoking Gunns, was actually more entertaining than I was expecting. Both teams worked relatively well together and there was a great spot that saw a triple headbutt on Tatanka lead to an attempted triple top-rope headbutt from Bam Bam and the Headshrinkers. Unfortunately, the big boys missed and the match ended with a disappointing roll-up by Tatanka. I cannot tell you how much I want this man to finally lose.

The final match of the night, Yokozuna (c) v. Lex Luger for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship, was so much better than I ever thought the match could be. I like Luger, but I wasn't totally sold on him in the ring from what I had seen so far. He had a great match with Tatanka at King of the Ring in June, but Yokozuna can be a hard match for anyone to work considering his size and limitations. That said, these two men put on a great performance in a surprise candidate for match of the night.

Randy Savage at some point jumped on Lex's American dick and became a super Lex fan, so he came out rocking a ridiculous Old Glory outfit. Even better, he was accompanied by Aaron Neville. If you'll recall, I made a comment in the July review about some drunk-ass Aaron Neville singing the national anthem on the USS Intrepid at the body slam challenge. Little did I know that the real Aaron Neville would appear to sing the national anthem one month later at Summer Slam. I am awesome! Unfortunately, I cannot find video footage of this.

The match contained most of the spots you would expect: the failed body slam, the salt bucket schtick, and a whole bunch of awesome Fuji. Just when things looked most dire for Luger, he rolled out of the way of the Banzai Drop and started an amazing comeback that would lead to the win for Lex Luger!!!!....by countout. That's right, folks, all of this build-up only to pull an Irvine and fail to pull the trigger. And for some ungodly reason, the Steiners and Macho Man then come in to raise Lex onto their shoulders as if he had somehow achieved something. Quick note to these morons: the title doesn't change hands on a countout, for fuck's sake. Here's this spectacular sequence of events:



While I am good with this outcome, I also don't understand it. There was so much build-up here with Lex Luger and this patriotic gimmick, I can't believe they didn't give him the ball and let him roll with it. More importantly, they also added in (for no good reason) the stipulation that no matter the outcome, Luger won't get a rematch. So here we are after one of the biggest events of the year and our biggest face just defeated our monster heel champion and we're going to let the program die. Who booked this shit? I'm going to assume they didn't put the strap on Luger for two reasons, and if anyone has any ideas feel free to add in your two cents:

1) The company simply didn't buy into Luger as the top face.

This is certainly possible, but it doesn't explain why they spent so much time building the man up. Perhaps they didn't like the numbers or weren't impressed by fan reaction during this period and that made up their minds, but I really don't know.

2) The company did not view Luger as a reliable champion.

I think this is a real possibility. The company decided to give Luger a run, but his battles with drugs, steroids and alcohol throughout his career are common knowledge to us now. I wouldn't be surprised if they played a role in WWF's decision to withhold the strap from Luger at this point in time.

Whatever the reason, Luger would never really recover from this and never held the WWF World Heavyweight Championship (though he did get another crack at it at WM X).

Reflections: This was really another great PPV. I forgot how awesome the World Wrestling Federation was in 1993, but shows like Summer Slam '93 speak for themselves and show  the product at a great time in its history. I would recommend finding and watching this show if you can, as it was extremely entertaining from both a nostalgia and wrestling point of view. For those who might follow wrestling today but have never seen some of these older shows/wrestlers, this PPV is a great place to jump in and get started.

Vintage WWF Review: August 1993

Lex Luger - American as shit

August of 1993 was another stellar month in WWF history. This month was the build-up to Summer Slam, the annual summer spectacular, and it really delivered in every way. From killer promos to outstanding matches, this is what made me a fan of wrestling in my younger years and has kept me coming back since my childhood. I made a number of notes as I watched through everything I could find, and there are a number of things that caught my eye this month.

The first thing I need to discuss is the fact that I love Bastion Booger. The once Friar Ferguson has won me over with his extreme nastiness, super ridiculous attire and awesomely bad dance moves. I've always remembered the character being atrociously bad, but upon further review he was absolutely hilarious. Watching him shake his ass while standing over Marty Jannetty had me rolling, and he wasn't a terrible wrestler to boot. Good on you, Booger. Here's the amazing Booger/Jannetty match from 8/16/93:



This month saw the in-ring return of Macho Man Randy Savage. While Savage has been stuck at the announce table for quite some time, here we see him starting a mini feud with Doink. Unfortunately, while this would provide some laughter because of Macho Man's Macho Midget being introduced into the angle, I fear this is the beginning of the end for the Doink we have all come to love. From here it is only a matter of time until we see a Doink face turn and the introduction of Dink, something I'm honestly not looking forward to despite how much I have grown to enjoy the current character. Macho Man really didn't do too much this month, though the match was good, and the Macho Midget showed up to hang out with the Bushwhackers, so I guess it wasn't all bad.

One question I can't seem to answer is why Marty Jannetty failed so badly in the WWF. Jannetty certainly had most of the tools required to make it big in the business, with mic-work being his only real Achilles heel. I don't know if it was the drugs or the personal behavior or backstage politicking, but Marty's ringwork, despite how much I have criticized him in the past, is exceptional. He has put on entertaining matches with a vast array of superstars including Michaels, Doink and Bastion Booger. He was extremely over with the crowd, so I really have a hard time figuring out why he was such a failure and always has been. Perhaps it's simply that he is stuck in Michaels' shadow, or maybe he was just not good enough on the stick, but Jannetty seems to have the pieces required for at least a successful, long-term career as a WWF mid-carder.

Another thing I cannot for the life of me figure out is this: why in the world is Hacksaw Jim Duggan so over? The crowd loves this man. He's a decent brawler and a fun guy, but he never steals the show and the only thing he ever says is "USA!" Barring some sort of super patriotism from wrestling fans, I just don't get this man's appeal. I'll be the first to admit that I loved him as a kid, but the only reason I can think of is because I thought it was cool he carried a 2x4 and he was my good friend's cousin. Other than that, I have no idea what is going on with this man.

There was another fantastic surprise this month, but I will save that for the awards section. It was truly phenomenal.

Anyway, while I focused on perhaps some negative aspects of the product there, let's get to some awards from this month (and don't forget, Summer Slam was a big part of this month and will have its own column later):

Awards:

Superstar of the Month: Lex Luger. The focus of this whole month was on Lex Luger and his feud with Yokozuna, which was really just a feud between America and Japan. Outside of the Summer Slam main event, I don't recall Luger even fighting a match this month, but combining his "Lex Express" tour across America with his candid sit-down interviews really puts him ahead of anyone else this month.

Promo of the Month: Lex Luger. Again, Luger was the focus of the WWF at the time with his new found patriot gimmick. While Luger was not on television wrestling, he was featured in a number of candid sit-down interviews in which he discussed a number of topics ranging from his childhood to the use of steroids in professional sports. Lex detailed (and downplayed) his own steroid use as well as his expulsion from the University of Miami (or something like that). The interviews were done very well and showed a side of Luger the fans had yet to see since his debut earlier in the year.

Match of the Month: Steiner Brothers v. Money, Inc. (Cage Match, WWF Tag Team Titles). This match was awesome. My love for Rotunda and DiBiase is well documented, and I ought to mention that while I find Scott Steiner absolutely hilarious on the mic, I also think he's a tremendous athlete and a great performer. Getting these two teams into a cage match just prior to Summer Slam for the WWF Tag Team titles was a great idea. This match saw both teams get a man outside the cage who then came back into the ring to help their respective partners. I was able to find this match on youtube, so I hope you guys and gals can enjoy it (part two is in the related videos section):



Brilliant Idea of the Month: Summer Slam Spectacular. Just days prior to the Summer Slam pay-per-view extravaganza, Vinnie Mac and the boys put on the "Summer Slam Spectacular." This hour-long evening was a warm-up for the event and featured the classic match shown above. This was a great way to get fans pumped up for the ppv and I absolutely loved it.

Surprise Debut of the Month: Jim Cornette. Forget the team or the promotion he came to promote (Heavenly Bodies/Smoky Mountain Wrestling), the real catch of the month was none other than James E. Cornette. Cornette is one of the best I have ever seen on the mic, and within a week he was not only verbally fellating "Doctor" Tom Prichard and "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Rey, but he was also Yokozuna's American representative. This began a great career for Cornette with WWF and this was just the tip of the iceberg. Also, here's one simple reason why Jim Cornette is amazing (expect more in subsequent reviews):




Worst Promo of the Month: Jerry Lawler. I love Lawler, but the promo he cut this month with a fake Elvis Presley was just bad. It's almost as bad as listening to Kona Crush. I was seriously disappointed.




Reflections: This was a great month for the WWF and we've only scratched the surface. I'll be back with some insight into Summer Slam in my next installment!

WWF Review: July 1993

Serious Business

July was one seriously fucked up month in WWF history, and I’m talking fucked up in a good way. The champion loses his mind, random face turns are everywhere, rappers invade, a third Doink appears, America kicks ass and the burger king makes fun of old people. While the actual in-ring action was nowhere near as good as June, the out-of-ring escapades more than make up for it this month.

Perhaps the greatest moment in wrestling history occurred on July 4, 1993. Arriving by helicopter to the deck of the USS Intrepid, Lex Luger, apparently no longer narcissistic and now super patriotic, body slammed the hell out of Yokozuna for America. While Lex Luger respects Japanese people, what with their “technology and business acumen,” he hates fat Samoans pretending to be Japanese people almost as much as he loves America. I remember thinking this whole thing was great when I was a kid, but upon a second viewing it is terrible. Shout out to drunk Aaron Neville or whoever the hell that was singing the national anthem. It was hilariously bad.



This whole incident sparked a number of crazy developments in the WWF. Yokozuna came unglued and started destroying people and becoming much more violent, something I really enjoyed. Luger made the jump from helicopter to boat to bus when he boarded the “Lex Express” and started campaigning for a title match all over the US while wearing stars-and-stripes exercise pants. Here’s an example of this crazy storyline and how much Lex loves America:



This brings me to another point – random face turns. What the hell is going on in the WWF? Razor Ramon suddenly starts defending the 1-2-3 Kid after he stole his ten thousand bucks and Lex Luger is suddenly a humble patriot. What the fuck happened? I don’t know how any of this happened and it baffled me the entire month. I suppose I could do a little more research, but fuck that – this is seriously bullshit.

There was only one real big debut this month – MOM (Men on a Mission). They were literally called MOM like ten times on the air, which simply is not cool. This group is notable for two things: having the crowd chant “Whoomp – there it is” and Mabel, a man who will go on to win a King of the Ring, wear pajamas, get brainwashed by Undertaker and hang out with a naked Mideon. For now he just wears really bright clothing, waves his hands in the air like he doesn’t have a care, and kicks asses.


Awards:


Superstar of the Month: Yokozuna. Combined with his performance on the USS Intrepid, Yoko also had a nice showing while destroying Crush. The WWF put a lot of time into making Yokozuna look unstoppable and unleashed, and he stands out this month as even more fearful as we’ve been led to believe.


Match of the Month: Shawn Michaels (c) v. Marty Jannetty. The 7/19 RAW opened with an absolute barnburner for the Intercontinental Title. I was on the edge of my seat the whole match, especially when Marty got the premature three count (Michaels had foot on ropes). In the end, Michaels once again proved why Marty Jannetty will forever be known as the “Marty Jannetty” of The Rockers. Nice to see Diesel beat up Marty, too.


Promo of the Month: Jerry Lawler. Lawler was growing tired of the “burger king” shit so he decided to harass Bret Hart’s parents during a match between Hart and Bam Bam Bigelow. Lawler made Stu Hart look like a dumbass and Bret lost the match when he was counted out chasing Lawler. I’d say Lawler wins.


Jobber of the Month: Aaron Ferguson. While I wanted to put the Brooklyn Brawler in this spot, I have to go with Ferguson. In a match against The Headshrinkers, Ferguson got mutilated by a back body drop. I don’t think he moved the rest of the match, which leads to our next award….


Quote of the Month: “He’s going to spend a weekend at Bernie’s.” – Bobby Heenan on Aaron Ferguson’s brutal bump


Greatest American Ever: Lex Luger. This guy seriously loves America. Close second goes to Jim Duggan.


Reflections: While it may have been light on great matches, July was great in terms of storyline progression and building hype for the upcoming Summerslam in August. Though I hate random heel/face changes, Lex Luger’s was handled so ridiculously brilliant that I am willing to throw logic out the window and simply embrace the entire situation. USA! USA!

WWF Review: June 1993

Excellence of Execution

June was another great month in the WWF, which is looking to shine throughout the summer of 1993. With the inaugural King of the Ring and an excellent line-up of RAWs, this month was filled with action and excitement. The WWF also plants the seeds to a number of feuds this month, most of which will culminate at Summerslam in August.

June saw a couple of debuts in the WWF (a ton of people have debuted already this year, it seems like), the most important being Diesel (Kevin Nash) Nash was a huge player in the Monday Night Wars as a successful champion in both WWF and WCW. He was brought in originally as Shawn Michaels’ “insurance policy” and was eventually given the name Diesel. It won’t be long until Nash is making his mark, and I cannot wait until he does. We also got Bastion Booger this month who was Friar Ferguson a few months back. He’s a pretty nasty dude whose name and gimmick just fit for some reason. I think Vinnie Mac really gets off on saying his name.

A really random note about this month – title changes are happening everywhere but television. Shawn Michaels shows up on RAW at the beginning of the month and is holding the IC title belt out of nowhere after losing it to Marty Jannetty a few weeks earlier. Then the Steiner Brothers show up as the tag team champs, apparently defeating Money, Inc. at some point. I don’t when these title changes are occurring, and I’m sure they were explained, but it still seems weird to have this happening outside of RAW or PPV. At the same time, there’s no way I’m going through the hell of finding and watching every episode of WWF Mania and other random shows.

Here's some awesome hype vid shown for King of the Ring in June:



Awards:

Superstar of the Month: Bret Hart. While I was tempted to award Doink for his series of matches with Marty Jannetty, Hart had three matches in one night that were just as good, if not better, at the King of the Ring tournament. Hart didn’t really do much the rest of the month, but it doesn’t matter – that was a hell of a performance and he sold Lawler’s beating very well. Bret Hart is the man.

Match of the Month (PPV not included): Marty Jannetty v. Doink. Doink once again blows my mind with his amazing wrestling ability while Marty Jannetty has one of his strongest performances of the year. I’m not a huge Jannetty fan, but I really must admit that he is capable of putting on great matches any time he walks out to that ring. This particular match was a best two-out-of-three falls match which it seemed like Doink had won after interference from Doink #2. Unfortunately the refs would reverse the decision and Doink came out on the losing end with only one fall to his credit. This match was long, exciting, and filled with great spots – check it out if you have the chance.

Promo of the Month: Razor Ramon. This guy is always great on the stick, but after losing to the 1-2-3 Kid a few weeks back, Ramon has been cutting promos like crazy offering the kid first $2,500, then $5,000, then $7,500 and finally $10,000 to get back in the ring with him. Ultimately the Kid would swindle Razor out of his cash. Waltman was seriously over at this point.

Random Sighting: Tito Santana. Now going by the name “El Matador” and wearing entirely too much pink, Tito Santana is a glorified jobber. It’s been a while since we’ve seen the flying jalapeno; hopefully this time he won’t stay off my primetime television for so long.

Jobber of the Month: Barry Horowitz. Congratulations, Barry – you earned this for putting over the Smoking Gunns. Give yourself a pat on the back, buddy.

Million Dollar Moment of the Month: While cutting a random promo on Razor Ramon, IRS takes over from DiBiase and calls Hall “Razor Jabrone.” I laughed.

Botch of the Month: In the 1-2-3 Kid’s match with “The Bad Guy,” Waltman took a nasty spill from the top rope and landed face first on the concrete. I thought it was hilarious.

Ugliest Wrestler: Kamala. This guy looks like my boy Eli Porter from Iron Mic (pics for reference). Honorable mention to Bastion Booger. Congratulations, Kamala - you did it, man.






Quote of the Month: “That just shows me why they sold Manhattan for $24.” – Bobby Heenan on Native Americans

Reflections: With a kickass PPV and some solid television, June kept the momentum from May rolling and picked up some steam for the summer. I’m excited for July and the body slam challenge on the USS Intrepid and I can’t wait to see the complete change in Lex Luger’s character.

WWF Review: King of the Ring 1993

The first ever King of the Ring on WWF pay-per-view was quite a spectacle to behold. With a healthy dose of build-up, it was hard not to be excited for at least the tournament and the WWF championship match. As it turned out, both would satisfy (the tournament especially) while the other matches would predictably not carry their weight. Compared to Wrestlemania, however, it is hard not to be very impressed with this event.

A quick note on my personal history with this event: I recall watching this event multiple times when I was a kid, so I was pretty familiar with most everything that would happen. I don’t remember if I watched this event live, but I saw it enough to have it ingrained in my memory. For those who have not seen this PPV you owe it to yourselves to check it out, if only for the tournament matches, each of which were spectacular (barring Hughes/Perfect).

It’s nice to see Jim Ross is back to call the action here. Not only does he seem genuinely excited, he also seems much more natural in his delivery than Macho King or Vinnie Mac. It’s very easy to see even early on in his WWF run why JR would become the voice of wrestling.

This event is also significant for the fact that it’s the last WWF PPV featuring Hulk Hogan until 2002 or something. Though Hogan had carried this company on his shoulders for years as the Lennon to McMahon’s McCartney, the fallout from the steroids trial along with Hulk’s passion for acting and a hefty offer from WCW would lead to his departure from the WWF. While this was a sad moment for Hulkamaniacs everywhere and there was certainly a tough transition for the WWF, the move would payoff for all involved eventually; WWF would shift their focus to creating new stars, WCW gained a key wrestling figure and would play out the NWO angle, and Ed Leslie got another job.

Here's a sample of the action: 



Now that we’ve covered some of the historical bases, let’s move on to the matches themselves:

Bret Hart v. Razor Ramon was a great way to kick off the PPV. These are two of the biggest names in the history of this business, and both were at the top of their games at the King of the Ring. Fighting with the added pressure of a 15-minute time limit, these two athletes put it all on the line very quickly in this match. After a solid back-and-forth match, Bret got the pin after a superplex by Ramon ended with Bret rolling over the landing into a pin. This was a great match that left both men looking strong.

I should also note that, due to the bullshit finish to the championship match at Wrestlemania (which Jack Tunney refused to overturn), Bret Hart is the number one seed in this tournament did not have to qualify by winning a match like the other competitors did. Apparently Tunney thinks this is a fair way of handling the fallout from Mania. This makes the mark in me furious, which in turn makes the real-life person in me feel like an idiot.

Mr. Hughes v. Mr. Perfect was a pretty boring match considering how good both of these competitors are. While Mr. Hughes may not be a wrestling legend, he was a formidable opponent and a hell of a big man who had recently stolen Undertaker’s urn after demolishing Paul Bearer on Harvey Wippleman’s orders. We all know how much I love Wippleman, so it shouldn’t be a surprise how impressed I am with his latest acquisition. Unfortunately, I was not impressed with this match. There wasn’t a ton of action before Hughes grabbed the urn and attacked Perfect, leading to Hughes’ disqualification. This could have been so much better.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Jim Duggan, while not spectacular, was a solid match. Neither man was overly impressive, but Duggan gave Bigelow a good run until ultimately falling victim to Bam Bam’s devastating flying headbutt. A decent match that showcased two pretty good wrestlers, this is an enjoyable match.

I’ll be perfectly honest with all of you – I was not looking forward to Tatanka v. Lex Luger. Luger, still "The Narcissist" at this point, had been crushing people with his bionic forearm (which has something like 3 steel plates and 6 screws in it) while Tatanka had remained undefeated as well, tomahawk chopping his way into the hearts of millions. Touted as a battle of the undefeated, the match began with the referee insisting that Luger where a pad over his forearm or be disqualified. Luger played up to the crowd before finally agreeing, and the match began. This match was easily the surprise of the night for me – I wasn’t expecting much (ws never a huge Luger fan) but both men really blew me away, scratching tooth and nail to a 15-minute time limit draw. You could see the frustration in both men’s faces, and Luger ended the evening by taking off the forearm padding and jacking Tatanka in the middle of the ring. This was one of Lex’s last heel outbursts, but also one of his finest.

Bret Hart v. Mr. Perfect was next following a heated interview with both men. While it was obvious that they both respect each other’s wrestling abilities, these two titans of the ring threw in a few personal jabs as well as some paternal insults. The war of words quickly moved to ring where both men put on a great performance. This was easily the match of the night. Both men attempted their finishers unsuccessfully, and in the end Hart would reverse a small-package by Perfect to steal the match in a hard-fought battle.

Hulk Hogan (c) v. Yokozuna for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship was up next, which really surprised me. This match had the biggest star in the industry, and was for the most prestigious title in the company, yet it preceded an 8-man tag match and a match featuring Crush. I don’t know if Vinnie Mac was making a statement to Hogan or what, but I was really sprprised to this match at this point in the card. Moving beyond that, I love this match. I think Yokozuna was an extraordinary talent, and watching him in the ring with Hogan was a lot of fun. The match was very much in the typical Hogan style – Hogan gets his ass kicked for a bit before Hulking up and whipping tail – but had a few key differences that made this more entertaining than most Hogan matches. Hogan tried to get Yoko up for a slam, reminiscent of his Andre moment, multiple times. He failed every time. Also, after Hulking up and giving a great “YOU!” finger point, it took Hogan three big boots to put the big man down. After an atomic leg drop, Yokozuna shockingly kicks out of the Hulkster’s legendary finisher. Now, it’s been rumored that Hogan was not willing to do the job cleanly and lose the title to Yoko, so the crazy ending the WWF came up with was a Japenese camera man’s (reportedly Harvey Wippleman!) camera exploding and shooting a fireball into Hogan’s eyes which led to Yoko getting the pin and winning the title. I remember thinking that was nuts when I was a kid, and I still think it’s a crazy ending to a big match. I’m also jazzed that I no longer have to watch Hulk Hogan for a while.

Oh yeah, I also want to add that Yokozuna has an amazing belly-to-belly suplex.

The Steiner Brothers and Smoking Gunns v. The Headshrinkers and Money, Inc. was a throwaway match if I’ve ever seen one. Nobody impressed me in this stinker, which is weird because there are a number of great wrestlers involved in this match-up. In the end, Billy Gunn takes advantage of DiBiase’s arrogance and gains the win with a small package. Dumb.

Shawn Michaels (c) v. Crush for the Intercontinental Title was a pretty stupid match. My hate for Crush is well-documented, as is my love of Michaels. Unfortunately, my hate outweighs my love here and even with Diesel and some excellent power spots, this match was just not very exciting. I don’t even remember how it ends, though I’m fairly certain it involves Doink distracting Crush and nobody caring. At least Michaels retains.

The final match of the night was the King of the Ring final, Bret Hart v. Bam Bam Bigelow. Bigelow had received a bye after the Luger/Tatanka fight, so he was fresh while Bret was wrestling his third match of the night. This was another great match for both men and with the odds stacked against Hart it looked like Bam Bam was going to make history. Even with an advantage over Hart, Bigelow and his main-squeeze, Luna Vachon, used illegal tactics to gain a pinfall over the Excellence of Execution. Luckily, my main man Earl Hebner spotted the chair shot and restarted the match. After the restart, Hart eventually gains the pinfall to win the first King of the Ring tournament.

One of the real highlights of this PPV event did not take place in the ring, but rather during Hart’s coronation ceremony with “Mean” Gene Okerlund. Jerry “The King” Lawler came out and threw a few insults at Bret, claiming to be the real king of wrestling, before Bret told him he was nothing but a burger king. With Hart leading the crowd in a “burger king” chant, Lawler hit Hart with the scepter and continued to destroy Hart until the show went off the air. I thought this was great, as it began an entertaining feud that would last for years.

Quote of the Night: “He’s the 14^th of 13 children.” – Bobby Heenan on Bret Hart

Reflections: King of the Ring was definitely a step up from Wrestlemania in terms of overall wrestling matches sheer excitement. While Wrestlemania may have had a bigger build-up, King of the Ring actually delivered where they needed to as opposed to Mania. This is a great show from this period in wrestling and you should do yourself a favor and at least check out the Bret Hart matches if you ever get the chance. Hopefully the rest of June can live up to the standards set at the PPV.

WWF Review: May 1993

Bam Bam Bigelow is was awesome

In May of 1993, the World Wrestling Federation began the build-up for their latest pay-per-view, June's King of the Ring. The concept is simple - eight men fight their way through the brackets in a tournament where the winner is crowned the king of the wrestling world. Pretty much every Monday there was a qualifying match for the tournament. Add to that a few debuts, lots of Heenan, no more Rob What's-his-name, and all kinds of evil clowning and you end up with a pretty stellar month of television. Here's some RAW action from May 1993:



There were a few things I seriously cannot stand about the WWF at this time: Indians, Marty Jannetty and Crush. I still hate Crush, even after taking a few months off from viewing. This guy is terrible. I have two-and-a-half months worth of notes scribbled on a piece of paper from when I watched this stuff the other day and right in the middle in all caps (serious business) it reads "CRUSH IS TERRIBLE." I hate this man. I also hate Marty Jannetty for coming back to the WWF. He's always trying to rain on Shawn Michaels' parade and I am not having any of that. As for the Indians, I cannot stand to hear another word about how Tatanka is undefeated. So was Gene Snitsky, whoopdie-fucking-doo.

This month saw the in-ring debuts of The Smoking Gunns, 1-2-3 Kid and Adam Bomb. Adam Bomb was terrible, but he had weird eyes and was accompanied to the ring by Johnny Polo (Scott Levy - the future Raven), so he is tolerable. The Kid (Sean Waltman) was known as Cannonball Kid, Kamikaze Kid, The Kid, Thunderclap Newman Kid, etc. It's fucking ridiculous. Then he becomes the 1-2-3 Kid because he pinned Razor Ramon after an admittedly awesome moonsault. My favorite moment of his early time in the WWF, however, would come about five weeks later when he slipped off the top rope and landed head-first on the concrete. I laughed for days. The Smoking Gunns were just retardedly ridiculous. Who the fuck came up with this gimmick? I don't know if they are cousins or brothers (both have been said on air), but these two homos are out there rocking some nasty mullets and firing off cap guns like they're actual cowboys. Their promo videos look like two guys threw on some chaps and cowboy boots and filmed themselves giggling and playing grab-ass in the desert. Who the hell is responsible for this faggotry? I cannot wait to see Butterbean light up Bart Gunn. Unfortunately, Billy will be around forever, shaking his ass and giving fashion advice. Let's get to some awards.

Awards

Superstar of the Month: Bam Bam Bigelow. The man with the flame head tattoo was on fire during the month of May. He defeated Typhoon to qualify for the King of the Ring tournament early in the month (in what was a surprisingly good battle of big men) and had a great battle with Marty Jannetty for the intercontinental title. I always knew that Bam Bam was a great big man, but the things I remember most about him are Luna Vachon, Bastion Booger and that god-awful match with LT. It's nice to see him doing some quality work both in the ring and on the stick. Major props also to Mr. Perfect. If not for a throwaway match with Iron Mike Sharpe he may have had this spot.

Match of the Month: Mr. Perfect v. Doink the Clown. On the 5/24 episode of RAW, Mr. Perfect stepped into the squared circle to face Doink the Clown in a KotR qualifying match. I really wasn't expecting a lot from this match to be perfectly honest - Doink seems like more of a joke character than anything and Perfect was a face now so I saw him getting a fairly quick and easy win. I was way off with that prediction. The two fought back and forth with Doink definitely carrying his weight. I knew he had no chance of winning going into the match, but by the end I wouldn't have been surprised to see Doink victorious, especially with Doink #2 hanging out underneath the ring. This was a seriously great match from two awesome wrestlers.

Promo of the Month: Shawn Michaels. Shawn could always talk, and this month he gave us a great performance on the stick while putting Vinnie Mac down. There weren't a lot of stand-out promos this month, so VKM getting the lip-service from Michaels gets the cheap win.

Gayest Cowboys of the Month: The Smoking Gunns. Paragraph three says it all.

Mullet of the Month: Mike Chioda. This was a really hard call. While Crush looks like a moron and Waltman was rocking a truly nasty mullet, Mike Chioda was able to tame his mane and still call matches with the best of them. Color me impressed.

Million Dollar Moment of the Month: Shoeshine. Money, Inc. gave some fan the chance to earn $100 by shining Ted DiBiase's shoes in the middle of the ring. Not only was it awesome that some young idiot did this while DiBiase cackled maniacally, afterward IRS took the money and held $70 for taxes. I loved it.

Harvey Wippleman Accomplishments: Mr. Hughes. Good old Harvey landed the menacing free agent Mr. Hughes. With Harvey's help, I'm sure Mr. Hughes will go nowhere fast. Having said that, he did win a KotR qualifying match, so who am I to doubt Harvey's tutelage?

You've GOT To Be Fucking Kidding Me Moment: Marty Jannetty wins the Intercontinental Title. For some reason unkown to man, Marty Jannetty comes out of the audience during a kick-ass Shawn Michaels promo wearing some ridiculous outfit and challenges Shawn to a match for his Intercontinental Title. Michaels accepts because he isn't a pussy, and later in the evening we have a match. Marty comes to the ring in a leather jacket with cutoff sleeves and his old Rockers attire and somehow defeats Michaels. This is terrible booking - Marty Jannetty sucks. What the fuck?

Reflections: May was an insane month filled with some cool debuts, more Johnny Polo than we've seen up to this point, and some vintage mat classics. King of the Ring is looking great and if WWE can keep up this momentum it should be a fun summer. I'll be back with more soon.

WWF Review: April 1993 (Re-Post)

Hailing from The Outer Reaches of Your Mind, it's Damian Demento!

April of '93 was another great month for the WWF full of solid matches, great characters, and a few compelling storylines. One thing to note about the WWF at this time is its emphasis on wrestling. Raw was only a one hour show when it began, but it routinely showcased four or five matches a week, which appears to be on par with what we have in today's wrestling world. Obviously the overall roster's talent wasn't as strong as it is now and there were less storylines, but the wrestling, the main reason most of us long-time fans continue to tune in every week, was the main attraction.

The fallout from Wrestlemania IX helped propel the WWF forward this month, and while many talented wrestlers were featured in primetime, some of the company's biggest stars were conspicuously absent from the Monday Night ring - most notably Hogan, Yoko, Bret Hart, and Shawn Michaels. Hogan spent most of the month ego-jerking; Yoko and Fuji were contesting the legitimacy of Hogan's victory at Mania; Hart was coming up with grammatically awkward threats; and Michaels was avoiding Sherri Martel or something.

Speaking of Sherri, she and Luna Vachon continued their program which began at Mania when Luna attacked her for no damn reason.

Anyway, let's get to some awards:

Superstar of the Month: IRS. Mike Rotunda's portrayal of an evil tax collector is one of my favorite gimmicks ever. The gimmick itself is terrible, but Rotunda pulled it off flawlessly, and the tax man's partnership with "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase was a match made in Heaven. As DiBiase strutted about in his flashy, sequined tuxedos, Rotunda was sporting the least gay pair of suspenders I've ever seen (that's a compliment). Add to that some cool glasses, a necktie, and an attaché case, and you had probably the most badass tax man ever to grace the Earth.

But it wasn't all about looks with Rotunda, as he was also a phenomenal in-ring competitor. He had the standout match of the month with Scott Steiner as well as a great tag team effort with DiBiase against the Beverly Brothers. All in all, a hell of a month for IRS (not surprising, as it was April).

Match of the Month: IRS v. Scott Steiner. In the growing feud between the Steiner Brothers and Money, Inc., this was the first battle. Rotunda and Steiner had a pretty evenly fought match until the future "Big Poppa Pump" hooked up a double-underhook suplex on the tax man. DiBiase saved the day by attacking Steiner prior to the three-count, thus costing IRS the match.This wasn't the only great match of the month,however; Rotunda and DiBiase had a barnburner with the hideously-ugly-yet-criminally-underrated Beverly Brothers. It's pretty obvious to anyone watching that Money, Inc. were at the top of their game in early 1993.

Promo of the Month: Bret Hart. After losing the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania to Yokozuna (who subsequently lost it to Hulk Hogan in an extremely illogical sequence of events), Bret Hart is pissed. But Hart isn't pissed at any one man in particular, he is pissed at the entire World Wrestling Federation. Standing in the middle of the ring with announcer Vince McMahon, Bret (awkwardly) vows to bitchslap everyone who stands in his way on his journey back to the top peak of the highest mountain in the wrestling business of the world. (I told you it was awkward.) There seems to be a misconception out there that Hart wasn't a great mic worker. While he wasn't always the most poignant speaker, Hart delivered promos with a genuine intensity and passion that most wrestlers could never match. This promo is a great example of his verbal tenacity.

Shocking Moment of the Month: Damian Demento wins a match! I'm going to be honest with you - I've been scratching my head since the first episode of Monday Night Raw trying to figure out just who the hell this jabroni is and why he is on my television. Hailing from the mysterious Outer Reaches of your Mind (just down the highway from Parts Unknown), Demento has one of the worst looks I've ever seen in wrestling. His hair is stupid, he hears voices in his head (and they don't even make him cool like Randy Orton), and he is a terrible wrestler. But this is his time to shine with his victory over the much respected "Jumping" Jim Brunzell on April 5. Congratulations, Mr. Demento!

Ridiculous Gimmick of the Month: Friar Ferguson. Friar Ferguson may be one of the stranger gimmicks I've come across. He pretty much looks like a ripoff of the Friar Tuck character from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. While the character itself is ridiculous, it is made even moreso by the knowledge that within a matter of months the friar gimmick would be dropped in favor of the slovenly Bastion Booger character. Ridiculous.

Most Hated Jobber: Virgil. I hate Virgil. What an idiot. DiBiase should have sent him back into indentured servitude.

Reflections: April was a strong month for the World Wrestling Federation. While Wrestlemania failed to engage me the way it usually does, the fallout was interesting and the matches week-in and week-out were extremely impressive. Hopefully the WWF can ride this wave of momentum into the summer.

WWF Review: Wrestlemania IX (Re-Post)

NOTE: For the big PPVs (RR, WM, KOTR, SSL, SSE) I will be doing individual show notes rather than lumping them in with the monthly review. I am starting this format with this show and may retroactively review the Royal Rumble, but I'm not sure. Enjoy.

Caesars Palace. Nice.

I've been dreading reviewing Wrestlemania IX since I began this project last week because I remembered the show being pretty terrible. After watching the build-up to the show I was somewhat more optimistic. After all, I hadn't seen the show in years based solely on what I assumed was a skewed memory of how bad the show really was. The WWF hype machine was in full motion beginning in early January, and with superstars like Razor Ramon, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, The Steiner Brothers, The Headshrinkers, Taker, Yoko, DiBiase/IRS and Hogan/Beefcake, I really didn't think this show could be as bad as I remembered. I was wrong.

To start, Caesars Palace was a terrible place to hold Wrestlemania. Compared to Mania's past settings, it looked very small and the Roman theme really didn't seem to fit with the world of wrestling, regardless of the connection between wrestlers and gladiators. Combine the setting with the over-the-top togas and entrances (minus Heenan's, because he could turn anything into gold) and it just felt cheesy and campy, words that should never be associated with "the showcase of the immortals."

On an extremely positive note, I did love that WWF held this event outdoors. I think it really adds to the atmosphere as day changes to night over the course of the event. It's just too bad that this wonderful idea was wasted on such a poor show. Also, this show marked Jim Ross's debut announcing gig with WWF. Even under the toga, Good Ol' JR did a hell of a job calling this disaster, as did Heenan. Macho Man...not so much.

Let's get to some thoughts on the matches themselves:

HBK v. Tatanka for Michaels' intercontinental championship was easily match of the night. These two athletes put on a great show. While it started slow, the match gained a lot of momentum as it continued and both men put on a great performance. While the match ending was disappointing (Tatanka victorious by countout), the result wasn't terrible and Michaels, easily the better wrestler of the two, was able to hold onto his IC championship. One thing I really didn't like about this match, however, was the inclusion of Luna Vachon and Sherri Martel. Perhaps this feud will go somewhere over the next few months, but it seems like a strange way to debut Luna and I'm already tired of the Martel/Michaels situation.

The Steiner Brothers v. The Headshrinkers was another solid match on the card. Both teams had a good amount of talent and it really shows in this match-up. The Samoans were good at building heat and truly looked menacing while the Steiners had that clean-cut American image (even with the dog-face gremlin being present). This match was really a clash of styles - Samoan wildmen against All-American wrestlers from Michigan. The match ended with a badass Frankensteiner from Scott Steiner, which is always a fun way to conclude a match.

Doink vs. Crush was a terrible match. I'm glad that Doink won because I'd rather watch Barry Horowitz face Steve Lombardi than watch Crush do anything. Also, the double Doink was a stupid idea, and even Todd Pettengill in a toga and a backwards cap couldn't convince me that it was somehow an "illusion." Worthless match.

Razor Ramon v. Bob Backlund was another squadoosh of a performance. Backlund was back after who knows how long away from the company. Though he had a strong showing at the '93 Rumble (lasting an impressive 60+ minutes before eventually being eliminated), Backlund's Opie-like personality just wasn't working in this gimmick-driven environment. Thankfully, Razor beat him quickly.

Money, Inc. v. Mega Maniacs (Hogan/Beefcake) was a decent match, mainly because of DiBiase and Rotunda. Hogan and Beefcake spent most of the match posing and applying sleeper holds. DiBiase and Rotunda, on the other hand, kept trying to whack the Mega Morons with a gold attaché case, eventually succeding against Beefcake and ripping off his ridiculous titanium face mask, which would then be used by Hogan to beat up on Money, Inc. Luckily, referee "Dangerous" Danny Davis saw this and awarded the match to Money, Inc. via disqualification. This also helped to right an earlier wrong when another referee decided DiBiase and Rotunda would forfeit their titles in the event of a count-out. It would later become apparent why this "grudge match" was left entirely unresolved.

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger v. Mr. Perfect was a pretty good match-up between two really talented wrestlers. There was some good bank-and-forth action in this match, and though the ending wasn't clean it was still a nice way to conclude the match, especially if the feud is going to continue. Unfortunately, Shawn Michaels' attack of Mr. Perfect after the match pretty much guarantees that Lex/Perfect will be put on the backburner, perhaps indefintely. One of the few bright spots of the night. Also, steel-plated forearm? Hmph.

Undertaker v. Giant Gonzales is maybe the worst match in Wrestlemania history. Giant Gonzales was a seven foot goomba who couldn't wrestle to save his life. Unfortunately, he also couldn't play the monster heel role to save his life either. This match brought Harvey Wippleman's latest acquisition to the table, and Undertaker did all that he could against the big man. In a strange turn of events, Giant Gonzales chloroformed "The Deadman" and was disqualified. I still don't know why this match happened.

Bret Hart v. Yokozuna was actually a pretty solid match that pitted the technical wrestling prowess of "The Hitman" against the brute force of Yokozuna. Each man used his strengths to take control of the match at different points, and in the end it looked like Hart had done the impossible when he locked in his signature Sharpshooter submission hold. Just then, Mr. Fuji threw salt in Hart's eyes, enabling Yoko to get the pin and steal the victory for his first WWF Championship. This would have been a great place to end this atrocity of a wrestling show, but no wrestling atrocity is complete until "The Hulkster" has his say.

Hulk Hogan came to the ring at this point to check on Bret. This makes no sense. For some idiotic reason, Mr. Fuji, whose protégé had only just won a hard-fought match due to outside interference, decided to challenge Hogan to a title match with Yokozuna right then and there. This makes no sense. Hogan accepts, but only after checking with Hart (ain't he a nice fellow?), and goes on to defeat Yoko in 20+ seconds with an atomic leg drop after Fuji's salt-throw backfires. Miraculously, Hulk Hogan walks out of Wrestlemania IX as WWF Champion. This makes no sense.

This PPV was terrible, but there are certainly worse shows. What makes this particular show stand out is that it was Wrestlemania, the grandest stage of them all, and it really failed to deliver. Oh well, hopefully the rest of April will not dissapoint.

WWF Review: March 1993 (Re-Post)

Money Inc., bitches

March of '93 was another slow month in the World Wrestling Federation, but it wasn't nearly as painful as February. The WWF was building up to its annual "showcase of the immortals," Wrestlemania IX, and I think Vince and company did a decent job of selling a show that lacked that Wrestlemania feeling.

There were a number of positive things that came out of this month in WWF history. Money, Inc (Ted DiBiase and IRS) really stepped up their game and played their heel roles to perfection against the returning Mega Maniacs (Hogan and Beefcake). While I'm not a fan of either Hogan or Beefcake, the vicious attacks on Beefcake by DiBiase and Rotunda, including a sweet briefcase shot to the face, and the awesome promos really got me interested in this feud. I'm actually looking forward to the blowoff at Mania.

I also really like the pending match-up between Luger and Perfect, but I don't think the company has done a great job of building up the feud. My memory of this era in WWF history is pretty shoddy, so I'm hoping that the feud moves past Wrestlemania and the two continue to work together.

At the same time, there were two things I really didn't enjoy about this month: Kona Crush and Giant Gonzalez. More on these turds later.

Awards:

Superstar of the Month: Yokozuna. There was really only one dominant force who stood out in March, and that was Yokozuna. The big man was preparing for his April 4 title bout at Wrestlemania against the champion Bret "The Hitman" Hart, and I was really impressed by Yokozuna's intimidation factor. He handed Bret his ass at the contract signing and beat the hell out of some jobbers as well as Randy Savage. For as big as he is, Yoko was a great worker. Add Mr. Fuji into the mix and it's a no-brainer who was this month's best superstar.

Match of the Month: Bret Hart v. Fatu (WWF World Heavyweight Championship). My favorite match this month was actually the first match of March. Bret Hart defended his title against Fatu of the Headshrinkers (cousin of Yokozuna who would eventually become known as Rikishi). The two men put on a hell of a match with Samu and Afa doing a good job of giving the unfair edge to Fatu. Though he scored a few near falls, Fatu couldn't overcome the champion and earn a spot in the Wrestlemania main event. While this match was my favorite, there were a number of great matches suited to fans of all types of wrestling. I would also recommend checking out Savage/Yokozuna, the ridiculous Nasty Boys/Headshrinkers, and Bam Bam Bigelow/Taker matches. All of them were of high quality for free TV offerings in 1993.

Jobber of the Month: Duane Gill. March is also notable because it features the on-air destruction of one of my favorite jobbers, Duane Gill. In March of 1993, Duane Gill was nothing more than a goofy looking jobber. Eventually, Gill would become the longest reigning Light Heavyweight Champion in company history under one of the greatest gimmicks of all time: Gillberg. It was nice to see him in his natural environment.

Duds of the Month: Kona Crush and Giant Gonzalez. I'm not going to say much about Gonzales, as I'm sure i can save that for Wrestlemania, but Crush is the worst wrestler I've seen so far in my viewing. He used to be part of one of my favorite tag teams, Demolition; now he is hailing from Hawaii and spending his time crushing pineapples and feuding with evil clowns. This guy is basically the template for Final Fantasy X's Wakka character, which is not in any way a compliment. I really can't wait until he gets fired, but I definitely remember him turning heel and eventually switching companies a few times and punching a fan in the heart on live television, so I'm betting my wish won't come true. Having said that, I can't wait to see him punch a fan in the heart.

Manager of the Month: Harvey Wippleman. Nothing to say here, really, I simply wanted to acknowledge Harvey Wippleman's existence. I'll give him another shout-out when he shoots a fireball at Hulk Hogan.

Gimmick of the Month: Doink the Clown. I really love how the WWF used to have gimmick characters. In this month alone I saw a sumo wrestler, some wild Samoans, an Indian,an idiotic surfer, a Mexican with a fake physique and fake body hair (I assume a real physique and body hair can be found under that atrocious body suit), an evil clown, a repo man (who steals outrageous hats), an African wildman and some sort of voodoo priest. Awesome. I have to award Doink the evil clown with Gimmick of the Month simply because he's involved in a feud.

Waste of My Time: Rob Bartlett. Somebody get this moron off my screen. Why is he on Raw when we have Macho, Vince, Heenan and Gorilla? I hate this man.

Reflections: This was actually a pretty entertaining month, the more I think about it. Wrestlemania IX isn't seeming as daunting a task as it once did. I'm off to watch some Wrestlemania. Wish me luck!

Also, one last question: What the hell is the deal with Damien Demento? This guy is all over WWF programming and he is terrible.

WWF Review: February 1993 (Re-Post)

Another quick disclaimer here: I write a lot of this stuff when I'm drunk, so my bad if things are occasionally a bit incorrect, especially timelines. Sometimes I fuck up, and rarely do I edit.

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger. What a douche. Still, awesome wrestler.

February of '93 was a bit of a slow one in the WWF. While we saw the short-lived return of Hulk Hogan and the awesome in-ring debut of "The Narcissist" Lex Luger, we really didn't see much more. Without monthly pay-per-views at this point in the company's history, we are left only with the few Raws that aired this month, none of which were spectacular. While the month was slow, however, the company still put on some great matches and began to set up feuds for Wrestlemania, as weak as they were.

I really hate to say it, but after a great January the WWF was off to a terrible start in February. I really hope that March can get me back into the heat of the moment, and I am quite sure that the Wrestlemania hype will do just that (though it's Wrestlemania IX, so I may be crying for a while).

While there was a ton of shit this month and very few good matches (expanded upon later in the commentary), there were some shining moments that even I must admit to in February.

Awards:

Superstar of the Month: Tatanka. While Tatanka's Native American gimmick is on my top ten shitlist, this dude was the least worthless wrestler of this month in WWF history. Not only did his stereotypical ass gain a sweet victory against Damian Demento, he and the Nasty Boys defeated the Beverly Brothers and HBK in a six-man tag match (with Tatanka scoring the pinfall).

Match of the Month: The Nasty Boys and Tatanka vs. The Beverly Brothers and Shawn Michaels. This match was so much better than I ever thought it would be. The Beverly Brothers are morons, but they played up to the competition in this bout and really delivered a solid match. Also, I am really surprised not only to see the Nasties in general, but also to see Saggs and Knobbs both in great shape with a ridiculous amount of crowd support for two guys whose finisher is sticking other men's heads in their armpits. This is also the only crowd TNA fans will ever hear support the Nasty Boys. Seems a tad juvenile to a class-act like myself. Runners up: 16 Man Battle Royal from 2/15 and DiBiase/Beefcake from 2/15.

Promo of the Month: Ted DiBiase. DiBiase rips and rapes everything; discussion over. Seriously, he and IRS (Mike Rotunda) cut a wonderful promo on that loser Brutus Beefcake. Their promo was so devastating (as well as some vicious briefcase shots to Beefcake's grill) that Beefcake had to turn into a little girl and ask for Hogan's help. Unfortunately, that leads to the introduction of one of our newest segments.

Biggest Waste of My Time: Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake. Hogan was being a douche and it wouldn't be too long before he left once his contract expired. Beefcake was only special because he was Hogan's real life buddy, which is actually a pretty crappy thing in the grand scheme of things. In all honesty, these two idiots bored the hell out of me all month.

Also, Giant Gonzalez eats dick.

Reflection: February saw a lot of shit, most of it shitty as shit can be (and I put the entire blame on Hogan and Beefcake). Having said that, The six-man tag match was great and Scott Hall raped a battle royal.

Hogan Notes:

Since Hogan was a douche nozzle and sucks at life, we are going to note what he was doing at this time that "brought him back" to the WWF. Basically, Hogan was involved in a bit of a steroid scandal that was swirling around McMahon and the WWF. He cut some serious Hulkster promos about how all he took were vitamins and that he was being misrepresented by the outside media. I'm really not looking forward to him ruining Mania IX, but I can't wait to see him get hit with a Japanese cameraman fireball eventually. Highlight of the year, probably.

In conclusion: Hulk Hogan sucks. Brutus Beefcake sucks more. More to come.