Friday, August 13, 2010

WWF Review: February 1993 (Re-Post)

Another quick disclaimer here: I write a lot of this stuff when I'm drunk, so my bad if things are occasionally a bit incorrect, especially timelines. Sometimes I fuck up, and rarely do I edit.

"The Narcissist" Lex Luger. What a douche. Still, awesome wrestler.

February of '93 was a bit of a slow one in the WWF. While we saw the short-lived return of Hulk Hogan and the awesome in-ring debut of "The Narcissist" Lex Luger, we really didn't see much more. Without monthly pay-per-views at this point in the company's history, we are left only with the few Raws that aired this month, none of which were spectacular. While the month was slow, however, the company still put on some great matches and began to set up feuds for Wrestlemania, as weak as they were.

I really hate to say it, but after a great January the WWF was off to a terrible start in February. I really hope that March can get me back into the heat of the moment, and I am quite sure that the Wrestlemania hype will do just that (though it's Wrestlemania IX, so I may be crying for a while).

While there was a ton of shit this month and very few good matches (expanded upon later in the commentary), there were some shining moments that even I must admit to in February.


Superstar of the Month:
Tatanka. While Tatanka's Native American gimmick is on my top ten shitlist, this dude was the least worthless wrestler of this month in WWF history. Not only did his stereotypical ass gain a sweet victory against Damian Demento, he and the Nasty Boys defeated the Beverly Brothers and HBK in a six-man tag match (with Tatanka scoring the pinfall).

Match of the Month: The Nasty Boys and Tatanka vs. The Beverly Brothers and Shawn Michaels.
This match was so much better than I ever thought it would be. The Beverly Brothers are morons, but they played up to the competition in this bout and really delivered a solid match. Also, I am really surprised not only to see the Nasties in general, but also to see Saggs and Knobbs both in great shape with a ridiculous amount of crowd support for two guys whose finisher is sticking other men's heads in their armpits. This is also the only crowd TNA fans will ever hear support the Nasty Boys. Seems a tad juvenile to a class-act like myself. Runners up: 16 Man Battle Royal from 2/15 and DiBiase/Beefcake from 2/15.

Promo of the Month: Ted DiBiase.
DiBiase rips and rapes everything; discussion over. Seriously, he and IRS (Mike Rotunda) cut a wonderful promo on that loser Brutus Beefcake. Their promo was so devastating (as well as some vicious briefcase shots to Beefcake's grill) that Beefcake had to turn into a little girl and ask for Hogan's help. Unfortunately, that leads to the introduction of one of our newest segments.

Biggest Waste of My Time: Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake.
Hogan was being a douche and it wouldn't be too long before he left once his contract expired. Beefcake was only special because he was Hogan's real life buddy, which is actually a pretty crappy thing in the grand scheme of things. In all honesty, these two idiots bored the hell out of me all month.

Also, Giant Gonzalez eats dick.

February saw a lot of shit, most of it shitty as shit can be (and I put the entire blame on Hogan and Beefcake). Having said that, The six-man tag match was great and Scott Hall raped a battle royal.

Hogan Notes:

Since Hogan was a douche nozzle and sucks at life, we are going to note what he was doing at this time that "brought him back" to the WWF. Basically, Hogan was involved in a bit of a steroid scandal that was swirling around McMahon and the WWF. He cut some serious Hulkster promos about how all he took were vitamins and that he was being misrepresented by the outside media. I'm really not looking forward to him ruining Mania IX, but I can't wait to see him get hit with a Japanese cameraman fireball eventually. Highlight of the year, probably.

In conclusion: Hulk Hogan sucks. Brutus Beefcake sucks more. More to come.

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