|Money Inc., bitches|
March of '93 was another slow month in the World Wrestling Federation, but it wasn't nearly as painful as February. The WWF was building up to its annual "showcase of the immortals," Wrestlemania IX, and I think Vince and company did a decent job of selling a show that lacked that Wrestlemania feeling.
There were a number of positive things that came out of this month in WWF history. Money, Inc (Ted DiBiase and IRS) really stepped up their game and played their heel roles to perfection against the returning Mega Maniacs (Hogan and Beefcake). While I'm not a fan of either Hogan or Beefcake, the vicious attacks on Beefcake by DiBiase and Rotunda, including a sweet briefcase shot to the face, and the awesome promos really got me interested in this feud. I'm actually looking forward to the blowoff at Mania.
I also really like the pending match-up between Luger and Perfect, but I don't think the company has done a great job of building up the feud. My memory of this era in WWF history is pretty shoddy, so I'm hoping that the feud moves past Wrestlemania and the two continue to work together.
At the same time, there were two things I really didn't enjoy about this month: Kona Crush and Giant Gonzalez. More on these turds later.
Superstar of the Month: Yokozuna. There was really only one dominant force who stood out in March, and that was Yokozuna. The big man was preparing for his April 4 title bout at Wrestlemania against the champion Bret "The Hitman" Hart, and I was really impressed by Yokozuna's intimidation factor. He handed Bret his ass at the contract signing and beat the hell out of some jobbers as well as Randy Savage. For as big as he is, Yoko was a great worker. Add Mr. Fuji into the mix and it's a no-brainer who was this month's best superstar.
Match of the Month: Bret Hart v. Fatu (WWF World Heavyweight Championship). My favorite match this month was actually the first match of March. Bret Hart defended his title against Fatu of the Headshrinkers (cousin of Yokozuna who would eventually become known as Rikishi). The two men put on a hell of a match with Samu and Afa doing a good job of giving the unfair edge to Fatu. Though he scored a few near falls, Fatu couldn't overcome the champion and earn a spot in the Wrestlemania main event. While this match was my favorite, there were a number of great matches suited to fans of all types of wrestling. I would also recommend checking out Savage/Yokozuna, the ridiculous Nasty Boys/Headshrinkers, and Bam Bam Bigelow/Taker matches. All of them were of high quality for free TV offerings in 1993.
Jobber of the Month: Duane Gill. March is also notable because it features the on-air destruction of one of my favorite jobbers, Duane Gill. In March of 1993, Duane Gill was nothing more than a goofy looking jobber. Eventually, Gill would become the longest reigning Light Heavyweight Champion in company history under one of the greatest gimmicks of all time: Gillberg. It was nice to see him in his natural environment.
Duds of the Month: Kona Crush and Giant Gonzalez. I'm not going to say much about Gonzales, as I'm sure i can save that for Wrestlemania, but Crush is the worst wrestler I've seen so far in my viewing. He used to be part of one of my favorite tag teams, Demolition; now he is hailing from Hawaii and spending his time crushing pineapples and feuding with evil clowns. This guy is basically the template for Final Fantasy X's Wakka character, which is not in any way a compliment. I really can't wait until he gets fired, but I definitely remember him turning heel and eventually switching companies a few times and punching a fan in the heart on live television, so I'm betting my wish won't come true. Having said that, I can't wait to see him punch a fan in the heart.
Manager of the Month: Harvey Wippleman. Nothing to say here, really, I simply wanted to acknowledge Harvey Wippleman's existence. I'll give him another shout-out when he shoots a fireball at Hulk Hogan.
Gimmick of the Month: Doink the Clown. I really love how the WWF used to have gimmick characters. In this month alone I saw a sumo wrestler, some wild Samoans, an Indian,an idiotic surfer, a Mexican with a fake physique and fake body hair (I assume a real physique and body hair can be found under that atrocious body suit), an evil clown, a repo man (who steals outrageous hats), an African wildman and some sort of voodoo priest. Awesome. I have to award Doink the evil clown with Gimmick of the Month simply because he's involved in a feud.
Waste of My Time: Rob Bartlett. Somebody get this moron off my screen. Why is he on Raw when we have Macho, Vince, Heenan and Gorilla? I hate this man.
Reflections: This was actually a pretty entertaining month, the more I think about it. Wrestlemania IX isn't seeming as daunting a task as it once did. I'm off to watch some Wrestlemania. Wish me luck!
Also, one last question: What the hell is the deal with Damien Demento? This guy is all over WWF programming and he is terrible.